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I tilt my phone to the side, adjusting the filter to black and white and zooming in on my customisable half-chub. I have roughly five guys waiting for my pictures, and I feel like the most popular boy in school. Cobra Club is a game that puts your fate in your hands and makes you take pictures of that fate.

Cobra Club is the creative product of Robert Yang. If you haven’t heard of him already, his past titles include Hurt Me Plenty, Succulent and Stick Shift, games that require you to spank a man’s arse, watch a guy suck an ice-lolly and wank off a gay car respectively.

The latest of Yang’s works comes in the form of Cobra Club, a game that allows you to take pictures of your penis and send them to various virtual men on the internet. The screen I was first greeted with informed me “this game contains virtual ‘full-frontal’ human PENISES” I didn’t need to read the rest before clicking the consent button.

Always read the fine print.

Always read the fine print.

When you start the game you’re permitted to choose a name from a random generator. Just some of the many names I flicked through were “PogoWorm845”, “GokuDrooling22”, “MerryQueen107”, “SwordKing121”, and so on. I decided on the name “DickSailor” to venture forth into this sublime sea of penis and ball.

The game began with me pointing my phone towards the bathroom mirror, face blurred and completely naked. After fiddling with the sliders and filters on the left and right of the screen, a message popped up from “NoScopeBanana685”. I was ecstatic, and I couldn’t wait to show him what I had in store.

After some back and forth he sent “I need more political hot-rod pics” so naturally I sent my missiles to him. Another name popped up, “ChefTrouser583”, and I began talking to him as well. Eventually I sent him some shots of my flaccid mass as well, customising it to be great in girth and short in length. Name after name popped up, and suddenly I was sending pictures of my tallywhacker to several men at once: “SausageCat63”, to “PuppyFlesh255”, to “KingDelicious”, and more. The sheer variety of ding dongs astounded me:

Amongst all this was my mother’s anxious knocking on the door several times, asking “Are you okay? Please say something to your poor old mother so I know you haven’t died in there.” It was strange considering it looked like I had the figure of thirty year old with a beginner’s beer belly.

Oddly enough I felt like I wanted to stop there, hearing my mother’s concern for my wellbeing made me want to abandon the whole thing and just give her a great big hug, but not before tucking the evidence under my waistband.

The excitement I felt at the beginning was gone. The strange flirtatious feeling subsided now and I felt cheap, my tinky winky was no longer a shared secret between me and another stranger, it was now the talk of the office.

Earlier I had been delighting in the thrill, now I was frantically rushing to take multiple snapshots of my winky in all different shapes, sizes, colours and filters to appease the masses.

Earlier I said Cobra Club ‘allows’ you to take pictures of your penis. I would have said “required” if the game actually made you do it, but you can spend the entire game getting bombarded with messages and telling them all to “fuck off”, as the game so eloquently puts it.

That’s exactly what I ended up doing. after hearing my dear mother’s voice for the third time, I became as soft as whipped cream and decided it was my job to tell the people I’d been raunchily chatting to earlier to bugger off. I thought that this was the entire game, just repeatedly sending pictures of your noodle to every guy in town, or telling them to take a hike, until I had a message from “BonerLick”:


Yeah Obama. Thanks.

My tackle was on Tumblr. The link to the Tumblr post took me to my web browser, out of the game, and showed me my picture with a complete history of my conversation with that person. It was only a game, of course, but the feeling of having my dirty laundry out there for the world to see still caused a sinking feeling in my belly. I had been doing shameful things in that toilet for about an hour and here was the proof. Strangely enough, the most harrowing thought was my mother finding out about it yet I hadn’t even seen her, only heard her concerned voice.

Up until that point I had resolved to take no more pictures of myself, but it was too late and the dread of not being able to change what was happening brought me down from the elated cock model I was earlier.

Following a link at the top of the page ‘What’s really going on here?’ links you to a page where the creator Robert Yang explains the premise behind the game:

COBRACLUB’ is an imagined codename for a fictional government-operated surveillance system focussed on collecting and storing dick pics. To my knowledge it is not a real surveillance program, and the usefulness of such an apparatus would likely be questionable.”

Yang goes on to explain his inspiration behind the project, and boils it down to sites like and (both of which are tremendously not safe for work), as well as an interview with Edward Snowden by John Oliver.

Unknown to me, it seemed every dick pic I took was being sent to a public tumblr without my prior knowledge. It brought my mind to how I would feel if it happened to me in real life, if my personal photos were being recorded and stored without my permission.

It’s not the first time Robert Yang has embedded some sort of message into his games. One of his earlier games Hurt Me Plenty, the one about spanking butts, had a consent mechanic where if you ignored the consent of the submissive guy, you would be locked out of the game for up to 12 days before being allowed to return.

The game on the surface was just slapping a man’s arse, but in reality it was a clever message from the creator on respecting boundaries and the importance of safe BDSM. I feel like Yang has managed to make important social commentary here in Cobra Club as well, masking his intentions with a carefully placed dick pic.

About The Author


Born and bred in Wales, Liam is a naturally gifted farmhand and can always be found with wheat betwixt his teeth. When he's not tending to the farm, Liam can be found getting extremely salty in Dota 2.

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